From a young age we come to believe that we need to look a certain way or be a certain type of person to be worthy of love, success and even joy! There seems to be this unwritten law that allows us to decide how much worthiness we allow ourselves. Granted some of you reading this may never have experienced feelings of not being good enough to do or accept something (go you!). Please share your secret and goodness me, be grateful for the freedom you must unknowingly feel in your everyday life.
I on the other hand, am very aware I have spent a large part of my life pleasing. Trying to validate my own worthiness by seeking approval from others. Or at least, I did until I came to realise that sometimes getting uncomfortable and stepping outside of my perfectionistic ways and saying fuck it, was totally freeing.
A few years ago, I came to realise that you truly can feel worthy and free any time you choose to. You simply need to stop obsessing about being what everyone else wants and know who the hell you are. That’s the secret. It really is that simple. Decide you are worthy, and you are enough… We are born with an innate ability to choose to be enough and its always there, silently waiting, every second of everyday for you to just let go and accept it.
For as long as I can remember I have squirmed, hidden and talked my way out of having my photo taken. Hiding is my face from the lens is a game I have played since I was a child, to the frustration and dismay of those who know and love me. Be it behind a person, a hat, my hair… you name it, I try hide behind it. Why, because for as long as I can remember I have cringed at the site of myself in a mirror. I’ve physically felt embarrassed about my form, my thighs, my skin with all its imperfections, my lack of definition and chubby ankles! It’s terrifying and funny all at the same time hearing me saying these things out loud and even more so in a blog for all to read…
You may look at me and think something completely different. But for me, it’s taken some serious courage to start looking at myself in the mirror and smile back. To say, fuck what everyone else may think and be utterly grateful for the perfectly imperfect body I am blessed to have.
Let’s be honest, I have a body that allows me to do all the things that bring me joy: yoga, surfing, , making love, dancing, cooking, and everything else I love to physically do. Sure, I wish I had slightly bigger breast, my entire body was toned, and my legs a little longer… We all have these same thoughts, but goodness me my body is a bloody gift and I am done beating myself up for no reason, instead of enjoying it and my life whilst I can. It is finally my time to stand up, show up and allow myself to be seen for who and what I truly am. For the woman I embody.
In the last two years my whole fuck it attitude has been crucial in how I live my life and the changes I’m actively making. Those who know me well, can vouch that for years I never showed my legs. Completely mortified by their shape: chunky and strong. At some point I came to the realisation and asked myself: why am I spending my life hidden in jeans? It was the same for swimwear. I have always wanted to be active, sporty and prance around in my swimwear carefree but all those self-absorbed feelings of not being good enough, of being too fat, too unattractive stopped me. I was terrified of being seen, of not fitting in and not being ‘cool’ enough to even try. Does it stop me today! Fuck no. I am what I am. I love my body and it’s when I’m moving my limbs, sweaty and alive that I feel most attractive, feminine and full to the brim of worthiness.
For the first time in my life I wear what I want. I surf in my bikini and my epic Septemeber_line swimsuit (check out their amazing sustainable swimwear). Do guys chat me, yep. Do I care, no! I don’t wear things to make others look at me. I wear what I feel good in. And I tell you, the irony is, the less I give a shit the more I glow. The more radiant I feel in my life and the more others are drawn to me.
I’m not saying we can wake up one morning and decide to be free from our insecurities. I do not have a fairy godmother, and nothing is ever that easy. What we can do however, is to decide to love ourselves, to be kind to your-self, to count our blessings and be grateful.
There’s no quick fix solution. It takes hard work and self-awareness. I can’t unfortunately make you love your body. I can’t give your the courage to decide to be seen – that courage is in you waiting for you to surrender to it. I will however ask you these questions, to help you on your way… with the hope that one day at a time, you start to feel a little bit worthier than you did yesterday.
What stops you feeling worthy in your life?
Who are you trying to please?
What brings you joy?
What do you want?
Do your joy and want list to align?
To help spur you on I’ve added in below some of my absolute favourite quotes for a little inspiration….
Enjoy and thank you for listening to me ramble on