I have always loved the saying, ‘trust in the timing of your life’. For me it sums up all the freedom I want to embody: a freedom to enjoy each moment as it arrives without attachment or expectations.
Last year I finally started to figure out I deserved to live the wholehearted life I’d always dreamt of having. I was hit with the realisation that the only person standing in my way was me! So I said to myself, enough is enough. It was finally my time to rise strong, to stop living in fear and go after my deepest desires, taking one small step at a time.
Firstly, I should explain that recently I’ve come to believe that we all deep down know that happiness does not belong in stuff or even occur naturally – I think it takes devotion and an understanding of who you truly are and what core values you hold dear before you can even come close to truly achieving it. For me, happiness is a result of gratitude, of feelings of contentment (Santosha), being honest with myself (Satya), being kind to all including myself (Ahimsa) and also allowing me the time to self-study (Svadhyaya). When we live with a grateful heart we create opportunities to constantly find happiness in the smallest of things and that’s where it all begins, the magic of accepting where you are, being grateful and living wholeheartedly in the now.
I’m also not saying it is easy. It’s taken and continues to take me some serious devotion, constantly checking in and asking myself tough questions, whilst allowing myself to be brutally honest with my answers! I regularly stand in front of a mirror and talk to myself (yes, I’m a little crazy, aren’t we all) taking time to question how my fears are serving me. How my fears feed my insecurities and why for so long I have given them so much power over who I am. I firmly believe we choose to give power to limiting beliefs and we can choose to stop at any point. It’s all about how we perceive ourselves. Stop limiting yourself and the future becomes limitless. How do we do that?
I started this journey reading a series of brilliant and powerful books. Starting with Rising Strong and Into the Wilderness both by author Brene Brown, Love Hurts by Lodro Rinzler and You Can Heal your Life by Lousie Hay. I listened (and still do) to a morning and evening mediation on accepting abundance, by Bart Milatz, and a brilliant deeply letting go guided meditation by Michelle DuVal. All of the guided meditations can be found on Spotify. I also write in my journal regularly, working through exercises and constantly adding more detail as new things come up for me. I observe new limiting behaviours and beliefs everyday, jotting them down and making time to come back and ‘rumble’ with them (a Brene Brown term).
I found myself digging deep and most importantly allowing myself the space to start letting go of the past. I forced myself to question my ideals, core values, what I held dear and the type of person I wanted to be now, verses the type of person I actually was being day to day. I answered questions such as What is important to me in my life? What do I want my life to be about? It was as if by having all these realities on paper, I could no longer turn my back on the life I wanted anymore. I had this sharp realisation that I wasn’t listening to my heart when I made decisions. I gave power to those who had hurt me in my past, to things long gone and was confronted by a very simple question: why was I wasting time scared of being me?
All my self-studies, conversations with friends and with my therapist, taught me patience, how to pause regularly and how to make time to listen to my intuition, my instincts and to trust the timing of my life. I made a five-year plan, temporarily moved back to London with a list of goals to achieve, learning to take one small step at a time! Sure, I’ve hurdles to jump, debts to pay and yes I’d love to be teaching yoga more and doing my other ‘to get by’ jobs less, but its all part of the process and I trust it!
Which leads me here, to this blog and to Be Wild + Free. Be Wild + Free is my Sankalpa, my daily intention and a commitment to myself to live my life moment-by-moment and day-by-day.
A reminder to trust in the timing of life, to live wholeheartedly and forever be Wild + Free.